Grumbleeze

...from a whole new perspective this year. I am alone today; the father of my children has returned to ashes. One year ago he was posing for me on the boat, mimicking the photo I took of him posing in another silly mood more than fifty years ago! Somewhere in the middle of those fifty years, he photographed that picture of the family we created together.

It all seems like a hundred years ago.... a different life... and I'm a whole 'nuther person.

In the past ten months I've learned a lot... about family... friendship... love... life... and even deceit, loyalty and the lack of loyalty.

During the past ten months I've finally become a grown-up. I always wondered what I wanted to be when I 'grew up' and being a widow just wasn't on the list.

I learned how much help my man was around the house... I've adjusted to doing all of his chores along with all of mine and still have loads of time on my hands.... currently getting some of his unfinished projects finished. I just can't do them myself; I'm paying people to do jobs he wanted to do by himself. I know he would be proud of how I'm handling things. He always encouraged me. He was my 'atta-girl' guy!

Since he left me, I've learned how to ask for help - from family or friends - when I really need it... and learned how to get things done by myself whenever possible. I learned that sometimes I still can't win. Sometimes I'm a disappointment because of the decisions I make. I've been verbally abused in public and been accused of being in need of advice. I've even been told I shouldn't blog... it's unsafe... and especially I should never post photos of certain daughters or their children. Funny thing, I actually do not share family photos online anyway. Perhaps I should start?

I still get encouragement and positive strokes. Some of my daughters even respect my opinions, my intellect and my individuality. For that I am thankful and ya know what? I love each and every one of my daughters and their families. More than that, I still love their father.

Happy Fathers' Day to fathers everywhere and especially Happy Fathers' Day to the fathers of my six perfect grandchildren.